3x3: On Permanent Problems, Real Relationships, and Never-Ending Reading Lists

Hi, it’s Tom.

This week we dive into:

• Why you should stop trying to solve permanent problems once and for all

• What we forgot about real connection

• Why I keep building a book list I know I’ll never finish

Let’s dive in.

1. Don’t Try to Fix Permanent Problems with Temporary Efforts

For a long time, I treated every problem like it needed an urgent solution.

Didn’t matter if it was a one-time glitch or a lifelong challenge. I wanted to fix it and move on.

But some problems aren’t meant to be solved once and for all.

They’re meant to be managed forever.

A fit body.

A strong mind.

Self-confidence.

Real friends.

A lover.

A bank account that gives you freedom.

Mornings you wake up excited.

Evenings you sleep without regrets.

Inner peace.

These are forever problems.

They don’t have a "done" box you can tick after one workout, one healthy meal, or one meditation.

You don’t solve them forever. You build systems to keep solving them on repeat.

Another way to see forever problems: they’re goals with no finish lines.

You don’t solve your weight issue by going on a hardcore diet for three months when it took you five years to gain the weight.

You don’t transform your body by crushing 20 workouts in 10 days to make up for three years on the couch.

If you’ve been treating permanent problems with temporary energy, it’s time to stop.

You’re wasting your two most important assets: time and energy.

Build a system so you can solve them consistently — and don’t stop.

Question: What’s one permanent problem you’ve been trying to “solve” with temporary solutions? What system could you build instead?

2. Less Online, Less Alone

Let’s be honest.

Most of what we call “connection” today is just content.

You spare a second of your attention to like a photo.

You send a laughing emoji with zero context.

You reply "haha" to a story two days later and forget about it.

You get a "Happy Birthday" from someone you haven’t seen in years and probably never will again.

It feels good for a second.

But it doesn’t stay.

Because real connection happens live. Here. Now.

There’s something special when someone plans something with you, shows up, and actually spends time with you.

That’s why we hate it when they end up glued to their phone.

Your brain knows the difference between low connection and high connection.

You can fool your feed, but you can’t fool yourself.

At the beginning, Facebook was built to help people meet up.

Organize birthdays. Parties. Reunions.

But now?

If you don’t curate your feed, you’re standing in the middle of a marketplace for highlights, envy, and drama.

Most people don’t share to connect anymore.

They share to compete.

And I’m not saying you should quit the internet.

I’m just saying: don’t forget where real life happens.

And don’t fool yourself into thinking you need social media to have a life worth living.

Your best souvenirs won’t be on social media.

Question: What would your relationships look like if social media disappeared tomorrow? Would you still have "friends" or just usernames?

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3. Your Reading List Isn’t a Race. It’s a Compass

One of my favorite feelings?

Discovering an idea in a book that flips my perspective upside down.

That sentence that finally puts words on something I’ve felt but could never explain.

That paragraph that stays with me for years because it changes how I see myself, others, or the world.

That’s why I read.

Yet for years, I treated my reading list like homework.

Finish this one. Move on to the next. Always behind. Always rushing.

Until I realized something:

My reading list isn’t FIFO. First In, First Out doesn’t work for ideas.

Sometimes a book you noted two years ago resurfaces at exactly the right time.

Sometimes a book you would’ve ignored earlier suddenly hits you when you’re ready for it.

(Recently happened to me with Kamal Ravikant’s book “Love yourself like your life depends on it”)

Sometimes you need to re-read an old favorite because you’ve changed, and the book has changed with you.

(As Heraclitus said: "No man ever steps in the same river twice." You’re not the same, and neither is the river.)

Today, I still keep a list of books I want to read.

But I don’t obsess about clearing it or ordering it.

I trust curiosity and timing to guide me through it.

If a book keeps coming up again and again, or if someone I respect talks about it years after it’s been released, that’s a good sign.

I don’t read to finish the list. I read to grow at my own pace.

I read to think better, not faster.

And ironically, the less pressure I put on reading, the more often I pick up a book.

Question: If nobody could know what you’re reading, would you still be reading what you’re reading?

One Final Thought

• Consistency wins. Especially with lifelong problems.

• Virtual relationships aren’t the problem, it’s replacing real ones with them.

• Reading is about expanding, not finishing.

À la prochaine,

Tom

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