3x3: On Regret, Momentum, and Doing the Work

Hi, it’s Tom,

Big welcome to all the new joiners! I’m stoked you’re along for the ride, and it brings me so much joy to see my work resonate and have a positive impact.

This week we dive into:

• Why the best lessons can’t be outsourced

• How to slice big goals into steps you can actually take

• When optimizing becomes more important than producing

Let’s dive in.

1. Some Mistakes You Have to Make Yourself

You can read all the books, listen to all the podcasts, get advice from the smartest people around…

But some lessons just refuse to land until you’ve hit the wall yourself.

I used to think I was smart enough to skip that step. Turns out I wasn’t.

When I started my career, I had one mission: make a ton of money, reach the top, and become someone impressive at dinners (clearly a douchebag to me today). You know, the type who’s always "super busy," wears tailored suits, takes an Uber to go anywhere and casually drops the words “scale-ups”, "10x exit", "$300m Series C" in conversations.

So I went all in.

Investment banking. Mergers & Acquisitions. Tech sector. London.

I basically unlocked prestige mode.

I even interviewed at Goldman Sachs, but they offered a role in Real Estate so I went somewhere else. I was aiming for Tech, because more growth, more money, smarter people. (Also, fun fact: it’s true they don’t put their name on their building.)

From the outside, I was peaking.

From the inside, I was barely surviving.

Four hours of sleep. A hundred hours of work. Zero time for friends, sunlight, or anything resembling a life.

I worked in the Shard (tallest building in London), so at least I saw the sun… I just didn’t have time to feel it.

I ate badly. Felt worse. And yet, on paper, I was “winning.”

And everyone had warned me.

A family friend who runs a European bank: “Don’t go there, it’s not worth it.”

My best friend, also in finance: “Don’t go there, it’s not worth it.”

A former boss, wildly successful: “Don’t go there, it’s not worth it.”

So obviously, I didn't listen and went anyway.

Because sometimes, you don’t want to be told the truth. You want to experience it yourself.

And that’s exactly what I did.

It was hard. It was intense. And it was one of the best things I’ve ever done.

Why? Because it taught me everything I needed to learn, fast.

• Status games are a joke.

• Money without freedom is a trap.

• The more “successful” you look, the easier it is to lose yourself.

And most of all:

Just because you can climb the ladder doesn’t mean it’s leaning against the right wall.

So, do I regret it? Do I feel like I lost years in this? Not one bit.

It was never a mistake. It was the experience I needed to find a better path: my own.

Regret only sticks as long as you haven't learnt the lesson it teaches you.

So let me ask you: What’s one decision you still beat yourself up for, and what lesson could you finally take from it?

2. Slice the Goal, Don’t Delay It

Ten weeks ago, someone reached out asking if I did coaching.

At the time, I didn’t have a page (still don't). No real offer (I do now). Just an idea in the back of my mind that I might enjoy it. (I'm actually in love with it now!)

I said yes, following a rule I set for myself this year: Start before you're ready.

Week after week, we talked. I coached him. He started to make progress. Up until last week, he told me he was doing things he never thought he could do, and that he felt happy again for the first time in a long while.

That message made me pause.

Before he reached out, building a coaching practice felt like a mountain. Too many steps. Too much to figure out.

But here’s what changed everything:

I didn’t climb the whole mountain. I just took the next step.

One reply. One session. One breakthrough. One Stripe link.

Since then, I’ve taken on more clients. Quietly. Consistently. It’s not massive. But it’s real. And it’s growing.

Big goals always look too big until you slice them down to size.

Question: What’s one big goal you’ve been avoiding, and what’s the smallest piece of it you could do today?

Work With Me — Private 1:1 Coaching

If you’re working toward something that feels too big or unclear, I can help.

I coach a small number of clients and I’m ready to take on 2 more ambitious people. I'll help you build clarity, structure, and momentum so you can improve your life and accomplish your projects. Whether it’s building something new, shifting your mindset, or finally making progress where you’ve been stuck. Be prepared to go deep and move fast!

Of course, I still don't have a landing page (prioritizing current clients), but if you have questions or want to start asap, just reply to this email or email me at “[email protected]”, we’ll take it from there.

3. When Optimization Becomes the Distraction

As a kid, I’d spend hours setting up elaborate Playmobil scenes. Castles. Pirates. Westerns.

Then once it was done… I wouldn’t even play.

Because the setup was the play.

And lately, I’ve realized a lot of us still do the same thing today:

• 3-hour morning routines with cold plunges, breathwork, visualization and nose strips.

• Spending hours setting up Notion dashboards, AI tools, and productivity systems.

• Building entire workflows around ChatGPT prompts and automations.

All of it feels like momentum. But without action, it’s just movement.

We’ve reached a point where doing the thing matters less than preparing to do it.

Optimizing without producing is the adult version of playing pretend.

It’s not wrong. But it’s not the goal either. It's pure entertainment.

Question: What’s one thing you’ve been optimizing that you haven’t actually done anything with yet?

One Final Thought

• You learn better when you make your own mistakes.

• Big goals shrink fast when you slice them into action.

• Tools are meant to serve the work. Not replace it.

À la prochaine,

Tom

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